Thursday, June 12, 2008
still waiting for you .
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Feeling so emo since ytd, hais. dunno hw to describe. so msg some of my fren sayin im isolating myself for awhile. dey ask mi y ? bt i didnt reply. jus feel like being alone. i nearly collapse ytd. hais . so tired after work, need to worry abt money, cos my pay is not enough to support mi, my son, my daughter n my mum. n oso miissing my hubby like crazy,how i wish he is wif me, hais . den some more ytd my daughter go n bite my son without any reason. i was writing letter to my hubby, i was so startled when my son is crying like he is bleeding. i dunno wad wrong. bt when i look at his tiny last finger den i found out tat my daughter bited him. i was so angry until i caned her n slap her mouth, i was so angry n sad until i was shivering when i scolded her. my heart feel so pain when i beated her. bt i was reali freaking angry tat she jus bite her didi so damn hard. u all can imagine . my son is jus 4 mth.. my son cry for awhile. i sayang him den he stop. den he still can smile like nth happen.(lucky dere is no bleeding) i went to the toilet n haf a puff of cigarette n i cried. i reali feel so useless as a mum. i cant take care of my children, cos i haf to work, den make dem more drifted away from mi.. i oso cant let dem live well.cos im the one supporting dem, and oso my daughter don listen to mi at all. i blamed myself for nt teaching her gd since she was young. i regret. due to i n his father break up. she oso more close to my mum den mi. always cal mama, mama den mummy. hais. den my son oso. my mum play wif him he smiled. bt when i carry him he don look at mi. i really feel so heartbroken. sometimes i feel like quitting my job n take care of dem myself. i keep looking down from the window ytd, how i wish i can jump n die no ned to haf so much trouble n stress. i really need my hubby so badly. hais . at tat poiint of time how i wish my hubby is wif mi, he can help n save mi. but no one?? no one is wif mi, n help mi .........
i ask my daughter ytd...
me:wad if mummy one day die le how ??
daughter:find a new mummy lo ..(feel heartbroken when i heard her say tat)
me:den okay lo .
daughter:but mummy i don wan u to die, den she hug mi..
at least she hug mi n say don wan mi to die, if nt i will really go n die le
really feeling so lost n being a useless mother...
wishing hubby is by my side !!God can u let hubby out sooner to be wif mi. i cant manage alone!! im gg crazy...
♥ ♥ ♥
1:34 PM