yawen ♥ ahleong !!

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

still waiting for you .

MY GRANDFATHER PASS AWAY ON 27 JULY 2008, SUNDAY, 0530AM SINGAPORE TIME.

im reali veri sad, feeling so random nowadays, oso alot of pro. nt onli my family pro oso sisters ard mi.. all is troubling mi. even though i noe i alreai gt so many pro le, shlb't worry abt dem. bt i jus cant. cos maybe i feel tat i gt the responsiblity towards dem ba. oso maybe is a excuse tat i can worry abt their tink so i wont go n tink so much for my own problems. i noe is onli temporary only. bt at least its help mi alot. and all my sisters ard me make mi feel times flew veri fast, bt whenever im alone the time seem is pausing or gg so so slowly. tat i hardly can breath n can hear my own heart beat. hais .. i oso haf jus quited my job. so looking for jobs in progress. den haf to plan my tink again. den my mum is comin soon due to my ah gong is dead. hais. den i haf to do so many tinks tat dunno how to sort it out. n oso send money back to her as she say she don haf much money to do for my ah gong funeral. hais. for my ah gong, he passed away is quite a big impact to mi seriously speaking. when i hear the news tat my ah gong is dead, apple is e onli one beside mi, she noe hw badly n sad i cried. i jus cant stop my tears. bt after crying i go back to my normal life again. i will still tink of it, bt tell myself i cant. so i tink im handling quite well. my ah gong passed away left mi with so many regrets...... the last time i saw him is 2004 feb. after tat i was pregnant n haf a family. i planned wif my first hubby tat we mus go back n visit my family over there in thailand. n show dem our daughter, my children is my grandparents de first great grandchildren. bt my ah gong didnt c dem be4 he left. cos i broke off wif my first hubby after my daughter 1 yrs old. so i was tinking i haf enough money i will go n look for dem myself. my beloved hubby told mi tat he will bring mi n children back to thailand to c dem tis yr. cos my grandparent n family dere doted on mi very much, becos im the onli grandchild living in other countries. den seldom c mi. bt my ah gong n ah ma miss mi so much." hu noes, they don wan to tell u, n doin it secretative. even ah gong ask mi to be more conplicated. i kept quiet. den when my son n children wont haf enough."<=(type tis sentence actually im slping realise onli i wake up, maybe im tooooo tired le ba, even my body ned a rest bt my mind is still typing all tis.. lols. find it so strange.....) reali gt so many regret,thought tat hubby after 3 yrs he is out will bring us go back,bt be4 i can reali do tat he is alreadi gone. my grandma is feelin so miserable. i can feel hw she feel. tat ur loved one stayed wif u all tis years had already passed away living her alone, n she is oso veri old le. will be seeing my hubby in a few hrs time, im so excited. miss him so terribly. tis few days, everyone is accompanying mi. all my sister or frens. ton at sushi hse void deck ytd midnight 2am. all the way till 9 plus 10am. den went up to sushi hse brush teeth n use toilet den i go back to my office, cos my boss wanna sae something tat y. den after tat went joyce hse slack awhile wif mi apple n ah chao. den we went to the ten dollar club ktv at smith st. not bad cos is cheap.$11.70 per person free flow drinks n one bowl of fake shark fin, n 5 hrs of singing.7pm to 12pm. bt after awhile, all the tink is done. den jus reach hm jus now 2am plus, went for a bath den i came bloggin n msn. i type tis post make mi realise my eyes is having short sight. cos everything is moving. n onli today den i realise tat. haha. bt actually is im veri sleepy wanna slp. cos i haven had a wink since ytd till now tis time, 5.29am. haha. be4 tat was askin my sisters how come i don feel tired shit. bt hu noes tat typing half way tis post im actually slping alreadi without knowing. haha so i nw smokin. after tat im gg to my cosy bed. n haf a beauty slp den i can c my hubby ltr on. haha. okies . tink i will update other time le ba. when i free n more picts. okies.

miss my daughter so so much tat nothing can describe my feeling.
my son n my hubby too. i ned a complete life wif dem. i ned dem by my side. or tis onli happening 3 yrs ltr.....i hope......

FEELING:RANDOM,DEPRESS,CRAZY & SAD!!

♥ ♥ ♥ 4:50 AM